GIRLI isn't about to put up with anyone's shit.
Never has, never will; in fact, her independence is probably her biggest asset, her shining star. It also makes her the perfect Agony Aunt.
Seriously, any problem you have and she'll be battling on your side, trying to make it better.
A few weeks back Clash invited our readers to send in their problems, the real life issues that are causing them to have sleepless nights.
GIRLI is on hand to offer her advice...
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I’ve just moved to London to pursue my dream career and everything is going great part from one little thing... my parents text and call me all the time asking if I have found a paid job yet in the creative industries.
I’m doing internships, work experience and have a paid part-time job however they just don’t understand that it will take time to get a paid job in a competitive and creative industry.
I don’t want to offend them by ignoring their calls and texts, but the pressure is just too much and not what I need right now. HELP!
Trying to convince your parents that you’re on the right path in a creative career when they don’t understand it takes time is super hard!! For me, it took a long while for my parents to accept that music was what I was going to do and even longer for them to accept that it was working out for me.
What you have to remember is that your opinion of what you’re doing is the only one that matters. If you’re happy and working hard, then (and I know this sounds harsh) you shouldn’t give a shit about what mum and dad think! The calls and texts do sound annoying, however, and not helpful, so it might be worth:
1. Explaining to them your plan and reassuring them that you know what you’re doing or...
2. Tell them straight up that their constant pestering is stressing you the fuck out and that it needs to stop or you’re just gonna start ignoring the calls!
It sounds like you’re on the right path though, and look at it this way: if your parents are the biggest stress, then that must mean everything else is going super well!
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I’m really worried about my friend. He’s always been the life and soul of the party, which is partly why we became friends, however he’s hardly ever at home any more and has become distant towards me. Obviously, I want him to go out and have fun with his other friends but I’m worried that they don’t have his best interests at heart.
To make things worse, he has started asking me for money as he’s spending so much on nights out and is unable to pay his rent each month. I really want to help him but his lifestyle is starting to affect me. What should I do without completely cutting ties?
I think you have to be cruel to be kind in this situation. This has happened to so many of my friends, being pulled into the wrong party crowd and taking way too many drugs and ending up treating their old friends really badly, and what I’ve learned is that sometimes you have to let your mates make their own mistakes so that they learn from them.
Don’t lend him money, because that’ll only make him feel that he can keep spending loads on nights out. Arrange a meet up and sit him down a have a serious conversation with him and tell him everything you’ve said to me. Tell him that he’s changed, and that you’re worried about him, and offer him a chance to hang with you more and sort his shit out, but also tell him that if he carries on the way he is that you can’t help with money and that he risks losing you as a friend.
Trust me, the true friends will always come back when they realise that the new people they’ve found are fake. He might just need to see that his actions have affected other people around him to fix up his act.
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Hey GIRLI. I’ve started seeing a boy and he’s really lovely, however I’m scared that he’s slowly becoming more possessive as our relationship has developed. I have woken up to more than 10 missed calls and 20 texts from him after a night out, I’ve come home to find him waiting for me in my room after my friend let him in and I feel that he is in way too deep even though our relationship is really early days.
I haven’t dated anyone on a serious level before so I’m not sure if it is nothing to worry about, even though my friends have told me to end things with him. What should I do?
Woah that sounds super intense. That’s not normal behaviour for a relationship that’s been going on for ages let alone in the early days! The word possessive is an appropriate way to describe it; so is obsessive. There is a chance that he’s just super into you because it’s early days, but there’s also a chance that if you allow him to continue acting like this, it could escalate into him trying to be a part of aspects of your life that only you should control.
Even though you’re in a relationship, you are still individuals, and you still have your life that you had without him in it. If you really like him and don’t want to end things, then I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that his behaviour has been too intense and set some boundaries.
For example, tell him that you’re not comfortable with him waiting for you in your room unless you’re there. And tell him that he needs to stop texting and calling you so much when you’re not together. He could just be super insecure and worried that you don’t like him as much as he likes you and so could be freaking out and paranoid. But get to the bottom of it now.
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I'm 20 years old and I broke up with my jerk boyfriend of 10 years to work on me – I’m still in love though. How do I get over him?
If he was your boyfriend of 10 years and you’re 20, that must mean you guys got together when you were 10 - which means you shared your entire adolescence with him - that’s a big deal and I’m not surprised you’re still emotionally invested in him, anyone would be!
But if you’re referring to him as a “jerk” and saying that you wanna work on you so it seems like breaking up was the best thing to do. Break ups are never easy, even if they’re for the best, but the best advice anyone ever gave me is that time is the ultimate healer. Focus on loving yourself, care for you like you used to care for him, become your new best friend, and get rid of any ways that he could distract you again, like deleting him off social media for a bit and making sure that you aren’t hanging out with him for a bit while you get over him.
It’ll take time, and you will probably always have a soft spot for him because you were together so long at a crucial point of development for both of you, but trust me, you will move on and love again.
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I fancy this boy in my uni halls but we have no mutual friends and he doesn't go out clubbing, how do I get to know him?
Simple!! Knock on his door, say that you live in the same halls, and ask if he wants to hang out sometime. Don’t over-think it, just do it.
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